Email To: DarkNetVendor112
From: NoneOfYourBees
Required 2 pineapples. Small blast radius.
Delivery Address: <encrypted>
Special delivery instructions: domestic use disguise required
Payment 100 bitcoin linked
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Email To: Eltham Ladies Baking Circle
From: Evelyn Drake
For this months bake-off I’m making a very special Sicilian pineapple tart.
Martha I will finally beat your dry passionfruit cheesecake you’ll remember this cake for a long time!!!
Just kidding, I love you dear.
Evie
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Transcript of Evelyn Drake police interview, DI Michael White conducting.
Present: Evelyn Drake, Luke Drake (grandson of Evelyn)
DI White: Mrs Drake, can you explain how you happened to own a working stun grenade?
Luke Drake: Obviously, it was a mistake.
Evelyn Drake: Grenadine! I ordered Grenadine from the internets. I was going to make a batch of cherry and grenadine velvet cupcakes. I don’t know anything about grenades.
DI White: You threw one in your neighbour’s backyard, Mrs Drake.
Evelyn (emotional): Poor poor Martha.
Luke: Can you get Nan a glass of water please?
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Email To: DarkNetVendor112
From: NoneOfYourBees
I asked for pineapple fragmentation grenades. You sent stun grenades. WTF?
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Email To: NoneOfYourBees
From: DarkNetVendor112
Bit hard to disguise a pineapple, bro, take what you can. Flashbangs are safer for all involved.
Attached: Tor link to comparative ranges and effectiveness of hand grenades.
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Email To: Eltham Ladies Baking Circle
From: Evelyn Drake
Change of plans. Found amazing recipe for cherry and grenadine velvet cupcakes. Grenadine is so much classier than pineapple, don’t you think? It’ll give you a taste explosion you’ll never forget!
Evie
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Transcript of Evelyn Drake police interview, continued.
DI White: So how exactly did you obtain two functioning stun grenades?
Evelyn: I was looking for special Grenadine, from Turkey. It’s the best. Luke showed me how to buy stuff off the Internets.
Luke: I showed you how to log onto Amazon. You can’t get hand grenades on Amazon, Nan!
Evelyn: Can’t use the Amazon. Can’t read credit card and computer at the same time. Have to change reading glasses to computer glasses and back.
Luke (emotional): One click, Nan!
Evelyn: Didn’t need Amazons. Had this nice man pop-up on a window, talk to me. Funny accent but he understood me. Took my address and everything.
DI White: How did you pay if you couldn’t read your credit card?
Evelyn: They didn’t even ask for my credit card! Exceptional service.
Luke (highly emotional): They must’ve hacked you through the email!
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Email To: Eltham Ladies Baking Circle
From: Martha Bachman
Dear all,
I’m all right. The accident in my backyard only destroyed the green bin. I won’t be participating in this months bake off, but I’m sure Mrs Nichols will come up with something special to combat those velvet cupcakes of Mrs Drakes.
Love always,
Martha
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Transcript of Evelyn Drake police interview, continued.
DI White: Let’s move on. What happened when the package arrived?
Evelyn: They looked like cute little cans. The label said Grenadine. I had my glasses on and read it. It even said microwave and dishwasher safe.
DI White: You previously stated that you gave one of the ‘cans’ to your neighbour, Mrs Bachman. Is that correct?
Evelyn: Yes. I only needed one for my cupcakes.
DI White: Why didn’t you open your ‘can’ first?
Luke (emotional): How can you ask that? She could’ve killed herself!
DI White: I’m sorry, ma’am, but I have to ask. I don’t understand how the grenade ended up in your neighbour’s bin.
Luke: She must’ve thrown it out. Old Martha is a bit ‘out there’, you know?
DI White: The grenade exploded in the bin. Which means the pin was intentionally pulled out.
Evelyn (emotional): Please detective. This is really difficult for me. I wanted to show off. I wanted old Martha to admit I was a better cake maker. So… (highly emotional) I went out into the backyard and I offered her the can of grenadine and she… (highly emotional) she called me names. Not nice names. So I got mad and opened the can to pour it out and then threw it at her.
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Email To: Eltham Ladies Baking Circle
From: Mrs Nichols
I will be taking Martha’s place in the competition. Bring it on, Evie!
How’s everyone feeling about Bombe Alaska? Speaking of. Anyone have a chefs torch I could borrow?
Ta,
Nichols
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Email To: DarkNetVendor112
From: NoneOfYourBees
Required 1 flamethrower.
Special delivery instructions: domestic use disguise required
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