I’m an aging cameraman
Wishing to bore you while he can,
By speaking of himself here in a rhyme.
I’ll tell of my career,
That has gone on year by year
From monochrome until the present time.

For I’ve covered all the sports,
The politicians and their rorts,
Comedy and drama and the news.
Working for every network,
And wherever I could get work,
I’ve been a part of many countless crews.

I’ve stood in heat and pouring rain,
Worked hung over and in pain,
Eaten food you wouldn’t serve a dog.
I’ve seen all kinds of places,
Filmed heaps of cop car chases,
And searched for horses racing in a fog.

I’ve been yelled at and abused,
Bewildered and confused,
I have laughed until the tears ran down my face.
I’ve been sometimes at a loss,
When dressed down by a boss –
Saying my behaviors’ a disgrace.

After many years of my employ,
I kind of still enjoy
Hearing the countdown of a show as it goes to air.
With a “Ready camera 2
We’re coming through to you”,
It’s something that I’m still content to share.

I’ve been deafened by engines gunning,
Zoomed into runners running,
Followed footballs as they sailed through the goals.
I’ve tilted down as divers dove,
Panned the balls that golfers drove,
And given up on life when doing bowls.

I’ve operated hotheads hung from cranes,
And shot from flying aeroplanes,
In buses, boats and even a Melbourne tram.
I’ve hand-held at rock’n’roll,
At girls dancing on a pole –
Even slid along a wire with Flycam.

I’ve done the Olympic games,
And worked with many famous names,
Most were nice (but some were not at all).
They could be rather rude
With their starry attitude –
From an ego just perhaps a tad too tall.

I’ve been praised and been admonished,
At TV stations since demolished,
Suffered nerves at the start of a live broadcast.
Beamed out to air in four by three,
Using picture tubes – not CCD,
With cameras that belong now in the past.

I’ve ridden with cameras pushed on dollies,
Stolen warm-up person’s lollies,
Chatted up girls sitting in the audience seats.
I’ve covered opera and The Dance –
Even people in a trance,
And magicians doing amazing magical feats.

I’ve worked on many different fronts
With some good blokes and with c#nts,
Sometimes I’ve had to bring about some truces.
If I ever stuffed up a shot,
I’d never lose the plot –
But refer to my Cameraman’s Book of Excuses.

I’ve dealt with many booking people,
Tilted up a cathedral’s steeple,
I’ve worked with God on MASS FOR YOU AT HOME.
I’m creative with a lens,
Cancelled social dates with friends,
‘Cos work comes first is what I’ve largely known.

I worked with Casey at HSV,
T’was with Eddie at GTV,
And Kennedy on his ‘Blankety’ TV show.
I’ve shot baddies riding a Harley,
Pointed a lens at old Prince Charlie –
And several Queens, (who some of you may know).

Over the years that I have worked
There’s little I have shirked,
I’ve always been a cog in the great machine.
For anybody in the know,
You can only make a show
If everyone works together as a team.

I’m still there in the mire,
Almost ready to retire,
I’ll know when that time does come around.
Meanwhile it’s “Ready camera two,
We’re coming through to you”,
I want to hear above the program opener’s sound.

DS 2012